I just wish...

I just wish…

There comes a point in life when you look back and analyze. You think about the good and bad, the blessings and challenges, the wins and losses, and lastly the gains and regrets of life.

At that point, you do try to justify your many actions but deep down you know that somethings are irreparable. Somethings are broken. Somethings are lost. And you stop for a moment while desiring to give up anything to fix those moments, revive them, relive them.

Remorse and forgiveness are inter related yet different things. There is no forgiveness unless there is admission of guilt. The acceptance of mistakes. You don’t need to say out a loud. You don’t need to propagate it to the world. But inside, deep down, if you admit your mistake and ask for forgiveness. You do get it. Or may be you don’t.

Of course you have to pay a price. Of course things won’t same again. The lost trust, feelings, love and relation never reaches the same level.

Everyone has his/her regrets. Everyone still sleeps at night. We come on terms with the monsters under our bed because eventually the monsters start living within us. 

Do I have regrets? Yes I do. Do I live with them? Yes I do. Have I made peace with that? No I haven't. I would like to change many things. I would be like to be and act different with many people in life. Some of them may hate me and some might love. But it’s the ones who hate is who at times haunt me. I believe in justice for this world. For every good or bad you do. I believe I have paid price for my bad ones. I might pay more in future. But the worse part is that it still doesn't make me feel better.

I just hope and pray that everyone who has been hurt by me, intentionally or unintentionally gets his/her happiness and peace. Their regrets may be bigger than mine but His mercy is more than anything.

I just wish…